Everything About Failures | Explained
Everyone in this planet losses at some point of there life. There is no one who can claim that they never lost! But the real question is if every person loses why not everyone wins? What is there that not everyone is able to make. There is something between failure and success that makes success happen.
If you ask me, I have failed so many times that there is something which is the best thing about at least my relationship with failure. I am now at this point of my life that now I love failing at a low level, because it teaches me so much to win at the high level. And there is one question everyone asks- How can I prepare so I never fails in my life? There is something how does one prepare for failure, it's like how does one prepare for the first examination of their life, or the first interview of their life or the first date of their life?
There is literally nothing, which will be equal to the actual experience of doing it for the first time in the life. The thing with failures that you do not know how to act, you just crumble. So the best way of actually dealing with failure is to get comfortable dealing with failure, and a good way of getting comfortable with dealing with failure is to practice failing.
But if you are in your early 20s or your late teens, and failures it almost feels like a fail it paralyzes you then here are five steps that hopefully will help you -
1. Live with your Emotions
The very first step of dealing with failure is dealing with emotions, instead of rather ignoring or denying the emotion. Simply accept all your emotions and go through once even if the emotion are of guilt, anger, incapability, sadness, etc. Whatever the emotions are, don’t try to deny that or try to forcefully shut it down because this is the period you must go through. And this period is important for everyone. And this will be a hard period but an important one. I try and write down whatever I’m feeling, I try to record my voice whatever I’m feeling, I try to even record videos whatever I’m feeling not share it with anybody. But this is important whatever I am feeling at that point of time, it is important to feel it and never deny it.
2. Thinking of the failure Again
Now, this is the second phase when you begin to think again about your failure. It may happen in a week, may be weeks, may be months but you will know when this moment is there. You will get to know when you are now exaggerating things and things are not real. This is the point when you need to think about your failure again. Because you can now begin to think of this failure in your mind again. Objectivity upon visualize, your failure.
For example let's say you gave an interview and it went brilliant and you were so confident you will get it but you got rejected and you were like broken and shattered. You regretted and cursed yourself at that point of time. But now you allowed it to happen but now when you're tired of that you're like okay, let me go back to the interview date let me go back to the interview time let me go back to that interview setting, let me visualize myself not as me but as a third person watching me. And now begin to see that all over again and when you find yourself in that you will move forward to step 3.
3. Ask Three Questions
When you rehearse the whole even again and feel that emotions, you should ask these three questions.
i. What are the truths I believed in that I know are not true?
ii. What are the truths I belived that were lies but now I realised that they are true?
iii. How will I change myself after knowing these two above questions?
These three questions are the most difficult questions. These steps are the most difficult part of the whole process that’s why its in the right middle of it. Bur as long as you don’t complete the step 1 and 2 with the right approach you cannot reach the step 3. And even if you reach step 3 any how you cannot do properly the step 3. Because there are only handful of people who can develop right approach to give these answers honestly.
When you find these answers, when you are sitting with yourself. It is not necessary you find all these three question at the same point of time. It may take maybe, hours, days, weeks or maybe months but definitely you can find these answers if you are genuinely true to yourself. This is when you move to step
4. What to/can I do now?
Failure is already passed, and hopefully I have something learned with the failure but now I have to get out where I am. Because I cannot keep drowning in this failure. Remember, “Failure is the stepping stone to success.” But the stepping stone is going to be right? And that is step 4. The question we need to ask right now is to ‘What can I don to get out from this?’
There is literally nothing, which will be equal to the actual experience of doing it for the first time in the life. The thing with failures that you do not know how to act, you just crumble. So the best way of actually dealing with failure is to get comfortable dealing with failure, and a good way of getting comfortable with dealing with failure is to practice failing.
But if you are in your early 20s or your late teens, and failures it almost feels like a fail it paralyzes you then here are five steps that hopefully will help you -
1. Live with your Emotions
The very first step of dealing with failure is dealing with emotions, instead of rather ignoring or denying the emotion. Simply accept all your emotions and go through once even if the emotion are of guilt, anger, incapability, sadness, etc. Whatever the emotions are, don’t try to deny that or try to forcefully shut it down because this is the period you must go through. And this period is important for everyone. And this will be a hard period but an important one. I try and write down whatever I’m feeling, I try to record my voice whatever I’m feeling, I try to even record videos whatever I’m feeling not share it with anybody. But this is important whatever I am feeling at that point of time, it is important to feel it and never deny it.
2. Thinking of the failure Again
Now, this is the second phase when you begin to think again about your failure. It may happen in a week, may be weeks, may be months but you will know when this moment is there. You will get to know when you are now exaggerating things and things are not real. This is the point when you need to think about your failure again. Because you can now begin to think of this failure in your mind again. Objectivity upon visualize, your failure.
For example let's say you gave an interview and it went brilliant and you were so confident you will get it but you got rejected and you were like broken and shattered. You regretted and cursed yourself at that point of time. But now you allowed it to happen but now when you're tired of that you're like okay, let me go back to the interview date let me go back to the interview time let me go back to that interview setting, let me visualize myself not as me but as a third person watching me. And now begin to see that all over again and when you find yourself in that you will move forward to step 3.
3. Ask Three Questions
When you rehearse the whole even again and feel that emotions, you should ask these three questions.
i. What are the truths I believed in that I know are not true?
ii. What are the truths I belived that were lies but now I realised that they are true?
iii. How will I change myself after knowing these two above questions?
These three questions are the most difficult questions. These steps are the most difficult part of the whole process that’s why its in the right middle of it. Bur as long as you don’t complete the step 1 and 2 with the right approach you cannot reach the step 3. And even if you reach step 3 any how you cannot do properly the step 3. Because there are only handful of people who can develop right approach to give these answers honestly.
When you find these answers, when you are sitting with yourself. It is not necessary you find all these three question at the same point of time. It may take maybe, hours, days, weeks or maybe months but definitely you can find these answers if you are genuinely true to yourself. This is when you move to step
4. What to/can I do now?
Failure is already passed, and hopefully I have something learned with the failure but now I have to get out where I am. Because I cannot keep drowning in this failure. Remember, “Failure is the stepping stone to success.” But the stepping stone is going to be right? And that is step 4. The question we need to ask right now is to ‘What can I don to get out from this?’
Let it be how small it may appear but anything whatever can I do now to get out of this because of which I will move out from where I am towards where I want to be. Lets take the previous example of the Interview – You failed in the interview, this was your dream job. Now, lets think the smallest think to do right now so you can you can get out of this and get wherever you want to be.
Now towards you want to be that something needs clarification. These can be thought in two ways as : You want this job itself or You want to get these similar jobs elsewhere or may be because of step 3 and you have figured out yourself what you can change. It could be anything, something in your resume, something in your profile or something in the companies you are applying for, the kind of roles you are applying for. Anything! And that is the change you want to execute.
It could be very small step but this one step you take to get out of your failure zone of where you are towards where you want to be?
5. Show up every single day.
Because of step 3 you can have now directions and by step 4, maybe a vey small step but a very important step of getting yourself out where you are. Now you just have to do that every single day. Everyday after reaching at that point of time try to move beyond that and that will get you out of the failure that you are in. The one thing I can assure you is that there are very very rare failures that can fully destroy your whole life. But when it happens, we are shocked and think every failure is damn big. Every failure is going to destroy our life. But certainly that is not true.
No single decision in your life will be not so damn big that can destroy your life unless you have the way of dealing with the failure that comes with. Now that’s bring me to the last part that is “Practice Failing’.
Now towards you want to be that something needs clarification. These can be thought in two ways as : You want this job itself or You want to get these similar jobs elsewhere or may be because of step 3 and you have figured out yourself what you can change. It could be anything, something in your resume, something in your profile or something in the companies you are applying for, the kind of roles you are applying for. Anything! And that is the change you want to execute.
It could be very small step but this one step you take to get out of your failure zone of where you are towards where you want to be?
5. Show up every single day.
Because of step 3 you can have now directions and by step 4, maybe a vey small step but a very important step of getting yourself out where you are. Now you just have to do that every single day. Everyday after reaching at that point of time try to move beyond that and that will get you out of the failure that you are in. The one thing I can assure you is that there are very very rare failures that can fully destroy your whole life. But when it happens, we are shocked and think every failure is damn big. Every failure is going to destroy our life. But certainly that is not true.
No single decision in your life will be not so damn big that can destroy your life unless you have the way of dealing with the failure that comes with. Now that’s bring me to the last part that is “Practice Failing’.
Conclusion
Practicing failure is a very beautiful art because when you are getting used to failing the more you know how to deal with the failure and that becomes the steppingstone to success.
Its not the failure that leads to success, its always the reflection on that failure that leads to success.
And this mega formula comes up :
Failure + Reflection = Success
This is the way to deal with failure. But this only happens if we don’t treat failure as our paralyzing event for us but as reflection event. And that happens when we are comfortable with failing. So try to do every single day when you do something low key everyday where you know you are going to fail for sure. This can be Smiling at an stranger at an elevator or maybe wish them good morning to someone in the lift. These small things, children can do it easily but not as adults. These things which are very small by nature will teach you how to deal with failure.
Now I will only become better what I wanted to do because I have already gone to those three questions previously. Imagine if you start reflecting to every failure now, How awesome it will be and that’s all what failure serves as a purpose for. It helps to become a person who you are!
Thank You!
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